speedilyfuturisticblizzard

neurodeervergent

aut-of-space

This is a shout out to every autistic person who doesn’t happy flap.

Your happy stims are just as great!

Happy bouncing, jumping, spinning and all other kinds of happy stimming are good and valuable!

You aren’t less autistic if you don’t happy flap!

Your happy stims don’t invalidate you, they’re your own way of expressing your joy and they feel natural and good to you. Which is all that matters!

Source: aut-of-space

marimba-mallets

havingbeenbreathedout

Sometimes I think back on the time I spent working as a barista, and it seems SO STRANGE to me that “coffee shop AU” has become synonymous with narratives that are low on conflict, high on wholesome romance. During the year I spent working at a coffee shop:

A coworker of mine took a bunch of psychedelics, walked through some strangers’ plate-glass door, and threatened them with a bowie knife, leading to his arrest and imprisonment (and, needless to say, a late opening for the coffee shop that morning).
Another coworker, an ex-military type with a young wife and a new baby, decided to smoke up for the first time ever with two other mutual coworkers, in the back of one of their trucks; and ended up having a three-way with them which ended his marriage.
I had a nervous breakdown, stopped being able to eat food or hold conversations, and ended up sleeping on my coworker’s couch for three weeks before she finally called my parents to come collect me.
Multiple store managers were fired for embezzlement. (Reminder: this was within the space of a single year.)
Yet another coworker, who was seventeen at the time, started dog-sitting for a couple of regulars in their (I’m guessing) early 50s, and ended up in an ongoing creepy and incidentally illegal ~relationship~ with them both.
Various employees discovered, in the course of cleaning the bathrooms: couples fucking in the bathrooms; junkies passed out in the bathrooms; drunks puking in the bathrooms; both adults and children weeping in the bathrooms; a woman bleeding all over the bathroom from a gash in her throat (??); a dude standing in the middle of the bathroom floor and pissing in the opposite direction from the toilet, so that when the employee opened the unlocked door she got piss all over her (????).
The owner of the bridal shop across the street was exposed as both abusive toward her employees and also cooking the books, which led to my coffee shop taking on a couple of untrained and weirdly conservative bridal shop workers for a few months while the bridal shop was shuttered and sold to new owners. Later the larcenous former bridal shop owner came down with some horrible disease which caused her to lose both her hands.
There was a regular universally referred to as “Sketchy Steve,” who came in at 7am for a three-shot latte with room for Seagrams 7, and dealt drugs to all us baristas. I actually, at one point (I cannot believe I was this stupid), went inside Sketchy Steve’s house, and allowed him to spend like half an hour showing me his collection of découpaged outlet plates and also soliciting me for sex while I uncomfortably yet studiously declined.
Right before I started, the store manager had walked off the job in the middle of a shift, and ¾ of the employees had walked out after him. None of them ever returned.

Like, working on the front lines of food service was the most operatically sordid professional experience I have ever had, and one of the most surreal; and it is hilarious to me that THAT, of all jobs, is the one that has come to stand for soft-focus domestic romance in fandom circles.

wenamedthedogkylo

This is the Coffee Shop AU we deserve.

sewingfrommagic

Two of my managers got fired for having an affair with each other. There was this guy I never really talked to, so one time I see him and ask how his weekend was. He says “I wanted to drop some acid but I couldn’t find any.” Never saw him again.

thebibliosphere

I had a friend whose manager used to sit in the backroom doing lines of coke before opening at 7am. It was and I quote ‘the only way to deal with this shit’.

My own manager, who was heavily pregnant at the time, told an asshole customer to take their latte and shove it up their arse, before walking out and promptly going into labor.

We had homeless people sleeping in our dumpsters who used to throw the trash back out at us when we opened the lid.

I have myself uttered the phrase “M'am, I am the manager” after they dumped a cream cake over my head because it wasn’t what they ordered except it was. They even pointed at it first and said “that one”.

I had a customer piss themselves out of defiance when we asked them to leave. Then when the police were called they did it again, like some vengeful piss camel.

I’m telling you friends, I have stood at the precipice of hell, I have stared into the void and plummeted into the depths of humanity and it tips less than 20%.

thebibliosphere

Found it. The origins of everyone starting to send me the phrase Vengeful Piss Camel instead of Crucifix Nail Nipples for a short time. Amazing. I do not miss catering.

Source: havingbeenbreathedout

myqueenpearl

DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
EVEN IF THEY FREQUENTLY LET YOU TOUCH THEM, ASK BEFORE YOU DO IT ANYWAY! ALWAYS
AND IF THEY SAY THEY ARE FEELING EXTRA SENSITIVE THAT DAY DON’T TRY AND BE FUNNY AND TOUCH THEM TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS
ITS NEVER FUNNY
YOU WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE HOW WE FEEL TOUCH; SO PLEASE JUST TRUST US WHEN WE SAY: ITS NOT PLEASANT!

strangerdarkerbetter

sbroxman-autisticquestions sbroxman-autisticquestions

Stereotypical Autistic Characters In The Media: What is humour? I am absolutely unable to make a joke and never will, and I will take every joke seriously

Me, an Autistic Person: I get that joke was funny, I even find it funny, I just…. don’t know how to respond to it in the appropriate way. And I do have my own sense of humour, but sometimes I feel it can be a bit different to others’

Source: spongebob-autisticquestions

myqueenpearl

DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
DON’T TOUCH AN AUTISTIC PERSON
EVEN IF THEY FREQUENTLY LET YOU TOUCH THEM, ASK BEFORE YOU DO IT ANYWAY! ALWAYS
AND IF THEY SAY THEY ARE FEELING EXTRA SENSITIVE THAT DAY DON’T TRY AND BE FUNNY AND TOUCH THEM TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS
ITS NEVER FUNNY
YOU WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE HOW WE FEEL TOUCH; SO PLEASE JUST TRUST US WHEN WE SAY: ITS NOT PLEASANT!

ladyautie

It’s funny (and, by “funny”, i mean “sad”) how NTs can actually hate us without actively recognizing it. They just… hate our autistic traits. But they don’t say it like that.

They’re saying “I can’t work with you because you’re too focused on your stuff and you don’t communicate well”.

They’re saying “I can’t handle you because you don’t understand what I’m saying to you and you’re too much in your little world”.

They’re talking about autistic coded characters and they’re dismissing them quickly, saying stuff like “He’s obnoxious, he’s eccentric, no one behaves like him IRL, he ruins the show” or “I can’t watch this tv show because this character is craaaazy and i hate the way he’s behaving” (for the first sentence, they were talking about Dirk Gently, and, for the second sentence, about Sherlock from the BBC tv show).

They’re praising you as soon as you’re wearing your “Neurotypical” mask and they complain when you’re too tired to put it on. They’re trying to make eye contact and to touch you, no matter how much you tell or show that it makes you uncomfortable.

I wonder if their reaction might change if I told them that I’m autistic. They would probably give me a pity look. I don’t think they would realize that, with or without the label, i’m still the same person and i’m still the woman they hate so much for being who she is : autistic.

thatoneshrubbery

pitiful-child pitiful-child

hey

pssssttt

guess what

- autism isn’t a joke

- memes meant to make fun of autistic people aren’t funny

- autism isnt an insult

- autism speaks sucks

- “autistic screeching” is ableist and not funny

- you aren’t “edgy”. you’re just a shitty person

-r*tard is a slur

thank you and good night

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

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